Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
All apologies
Set me free
from the same, old miseries
no point in getting angry
but tortured in ‘so-called’ stoicity
I had to leave you
behind me, before 2023
My messages have gone unreplied
You were probably busy
and I chose to be kind
by not accusing you of pure ignorance
Create your own stories
for the sake of your guts and glory
fiction or real
depending how you feel
Social media
You may associate white
with beauty or purity
All I see is what looks empty
like a page or a canvass
for a writer or a painter
You use your bitter past
to ensure their hopes won’t last.
“Be realistic,”
that’s what you always say
making sure your message sticks.
Are you afraid of my face?
I am human too,
just like you.
This face represents me.
This is part of my identity.
How to recognise me,
Want to know what safety is?
It’s not how I should be
locked indoors like some jewelry piece
I’m not and that’s a boring analogy
I’m human
I can never really get rid of you,
can I?
No matter what I do
or how I should often lie
while trying hard not to cry
Oh, yes
I mind my own business
I do hang out with the boys
It's all my personal choice
but I'm no prissy princess
If you only knew
what I've been too scared to tell you,
what would you do?
If I were much braver for what's painfully true,
would you say our budding friendship is through?
You can never stop time
but there’s an illusion of a pause
Turn off the phone
Close all the windows
Lock all your doors
Lie down
I've been transported back in time
something familiar
yet also bizarre
the same old Twilight Zone
with the same old Culture of Silence